Courtship: Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Part II

How do you maintain healthy relationships with the opposite gender? By maintaining vibrant social networks, built on shared missions, shared commitments to God, shared interests, and shared service. Relationships that focus growth in character and Godliness – Heb 10:24-25

Where problems begin is when there is a distinction and segregation, as one “couple” distinguishes themselves from all others and looses strength and support of that network by focusing on each other rather than maintaining a focus on God and others. It becomes a relationship that provides the benefits of a romantic relationship without the boundaries of a defined covenantal relationship.

I think relationships young people have with the opposite gender are healthy and necessary. But there are guidelines you must follow.

Be careful not to get to familiar with someone of the opposite gender. An example of this would be allowing a guy or girl to get into your “space”. Being comfortable with casual physical contact with that person leads to a familiarity that is not good.

Also, sharing personal things like family struggles with someone can cause young people’s hearts be turned away from authority and to each other.

Another guideline for maintaining healthy inter-gender relationships is to not let someone know you “like” them. If you find yourself being drawn to them, you need to guard those feelings in your heart, and commit them to God as well as your authority. If a young person knows someone “likes” them it can be a major distraction in their life if they are not ready to enter into marriage.

Dating says, “If you have feelings for someone you must let them know or someone else will get them.

I believe girls have great power over controlling the direction of a friendship with a young man. Some call it “girl power”. It is not just a new, hip saying. One of our founding fathers said the following: “From all that I have read of history and government and human life and manners, I have drawn this conclusion: that the manners of women were the most infallible barometer to ascertain the degree of morality and virtue of a nation. The Jews, the Greeks, the Romans, the Swiss, the Dutch, all lost their public spirit and their republican forms of government when they lost the modesty and domestic virtues of their women”. - John Adams

A word about flirting. It invites others to desire what should be reserved for the one you will marry. Flirting invites someone to lust after you – The world refers to this as “eye candy” – look but don’t touch.

Flirting with someone is trying to get a reaction from them. If they respond to my flirting, they are attracted to me, therefore I am attractive, and therefore I am worth something.

So what if you have messed up? It’s never too late to yield this area of your life to God.

I like Pro 4:23 - Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life.

The word “keep” in its original meaning (Hebrew) means a geographic boundary or source, as in water. Like a mountain spring our heart is the source for all the operations of human life and we are commanded to keep it. (maintain it, guard it, protect it)

Imagine a treasure chest. Inside are the most valuable things you possess. I’m not talking about your Great Grand Mother’s ruby ring, but rather eternal things. One of those things is the “key” to you heart.

A genuine commitment to courtship is like taking that “key” to your heart and entrusting it to God and your parents and allowing them to guard you heart in that treasure chest. When the one God has planned for your life partner comes along you open that treasure chest and give that person the key to your heart.

The commitment to guard your heart is not just for courtship. This applies to every area of life.

Mt 6:21 says,” Where your treasure is there will your heart be also. Mat 5:8 says,” Blessed are the pure in heart… ”

Look at it this way, if your goal is to have someone like you, you can have that in 5 minutes. But how much better to have a goal of someone cherishing you for life. If your goal is to get married you can find that in the newspaper. How much better to dedicate the best years of your life to focus on Jesus Christ. Fall in love with Him. Meditate on Him, not imaginary future circumstances that leave you emotionally drained.

The Bible says: “Don’t be anxious for anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication let your request be made known to God.”

Are you willing to trust God with your future?

Example Courtship Commitment - I am free to love and serve all others with no special attention toward one, which would distract my focus from this purpose. I have a focus of growing spiritually and serving Christ; loving the Lord with all my heart, soul, strength and mind, and loving my neighbor as myself.

Posted on 1/18/2007 under Pastor Scott's Blog. Comments RSS feed.
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5 Comments

  1. Those are great words, Scott. It is so good to remember that we always need to be guarding our hearts in our friendships. The whole idea of courtship requires trust in God; that He will guide us through life.

    Thanks for sharing.

    1/21/07 by Amanda

  2. Thanks Scott! that was good for me to read.

    2/06/07 by Jonathan Giordano

  3. Good thoughts Scott… it is indeed important to keep our focus on Christ and His plan for our life instead of letting a someone of the opposite gender control our life. It’s so easy for a young person to set their hopes on another and force themselves to grow in to what they think that person needs in a spouse. How much sweeter to allow Christ to mold your future spouse and bring him/her to you in His timing. We can testify it’s pretty awesome… :-)

    Thanks Scott, we love you!
    -Daniel & Natalie

    3/01/07 by Natalie & Daniel

  4. That was a really good post Scott. That was good reminder for me. One thing that stood out, something that God has been teaching me lately, is the idea behind courtship is not just for keeping your heart for marriage, but for life in general. I have to be completely focused on God in every area of my life before I am truly “sold out for Christ.” Thanks for the reminder. :-)

    5/02/07 by Jerry

  5. scott, you have no idea how much that really helps me. i have always looked at it from a very different point of view. but this way actually makes sence, i wish it was all that easy but i am growing in the lord, and have been praying about this matter alot lately. The part about “girl power” was also really encouraging. thank you soo much!

    9/04/07 by sarah jean

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